USA, Summer 2019
To the greatest love of my life. She was alive, as if all the people of the world were converging right there. She was chaotic, like that chaos that each of us finds inside our heads at night before we go to sleep. The one that doesn't let go of you for a second and doesn't give you peace. Immense like the ocean, when you look toward the horizon and can't perceive the end of it. And it was beautiful! Beautiful as hell! As beautiful as a woman inside her wedding dress on her wedding day. I stood looking up at her with my nose in the air, not missing a single detail. Immortalized images that my mind would never erase again. Those things that when you experience them change the way you see the world and change the way you want the world to be! Because the world can be different, you just have to choose the way you look at it. There I was, without saying anything, between reality and fiction. Every now and then someone would make room in the crowd and bring me back to solid ground. It was hectic and immense. A mixture of smells. It was not a stench, that to me was the smell of the world. There were countless people, at any time of the day. Finding me would have been like looking for a needle in a haystack. So I started to live it. The greatest lesson it gave me was self-love. When you spend a lifetime hating yourself and suddenly you realize that to the world you are perfect just the way you are. I loved sitting on a meadow watching the sun set between the buildings and give way to the lights of the night. There, with the one person I would love forever...myself! Music was the soundtrack. Everything was perfect. That was my place. I was happy. I danced, I sang, every day I met a few new people. I was there to chase a dream. MINE. Dancing in New York, and besides the ballrooms I was treading the most prestigious stage for a dancer coming from urban...the street.
The most magical moment of those two summers in the Big Apple? I was dancing to myself, in my headphones "Without me” by Halsey, a boy next to me: "Are you a dancer? Come dance with us" I took off my headphones and a few feet away there was a group of boys, all from the Bronx dancing to the same song I had in my headphones. If that wasn't a sign of destiny...for the next two months they became my family. And I was never happier to be me than in that moment! All the love I had inside I shared with those I met. I saw luxury in those who had nothing, but instead had everything inside. For the first time I felt adequate. They say that when it is true love you feel it. And with New York I was unconditionally in love. It gave me myself and that will always be worth more than any declaration of love. Perhaps happiness is something imperceptible, that cannot last forever. Something that reaches its peak and then just leaves you with a good feeling. What I do know about happiness, however, is that I was in it and that sense of immensity I will carry inside me forever.
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